Poem: Hope

The guilt is palpable.
I should apologize for what was ugly and depraved.

I remember and think:
They never saw it coming, this sad damaged girl
With the broken heart and the bad will.

I look up now.

Why do we do what we do?

All these years later I still blame you for
breaking me in, taking what you wanted
making me want to love you anyway.

I shudder now with helplessness.
A toddler, really. Wishing for mercy
while knowing we are doomed.